Journal #15

Journal #15-from chapter 15 "Faced with the girls of the laboratory, we three feel ourselves sink into the ground from shame and embarrassment. We know what we look like: we see each other and sometimes we happen to see our reflection in a clean window. We have a swollen and yellow face, marked permanently by the cuts made by the hasty barber,and often by bruises and numbed sores; our neck is long and knobbly, like that of plucked chickens. Our clothes are incredibly dirty, stained by mud, grease and blood. Our wooden shoes are insupportably noisy and are plastered with alternate layers of mud and regulation grease." " They never speak to us and turn up their noses when they see us shuffling across the laboratory, squalid and filthy, awkward and insecure in our shoes." "I once asked Fraulein Liczba for some information, and she did not reply but turned with an annoyed face to Stawinoga and spoke to him quickly. I did not understand the sentence, but I clearly grasped 'Stink-jude' and my blood froze." Having to be a Jewish man and living in a concentration camp would not only be miserable, but shameful as a man. You know that you do not look like the person you use to be, but rather look as a corpse. You see a stranger in the window reflection who is you. Your looks do not matter anymore. There are no woman or people to impress. Only hunger takes over your thought. Your body is now skinny as a skeleton and light as a feather from hunger. However, once you face the German girls in the laboratory, you feel embarrassed from your looks. You look dirty, skinny, bruised, and uncivilized. The old good look is gone. To the Germans, you are only seen as a slave or skinny looking Jew that no longer is needed in this world. To Germans, all Jews should be vanished for they are uncivilized and dirty. They ignore you and stare at you making you feel unsecured. All you want to do is hide in the corner and wait for the three German girls in the laboratory to go home. They talk about you. They talk how you look and how filthy you are among each other. You rather wish that these girls would show some sympathy, but they are Germans. To the Germans, all Jewish are equal. To them, you are a filthy and dirty human. You ask questions, but they ignore you. They act as if you are invisible. You know that they do not want you here. You start to miss the old you. The old person who use to live with a loving family and who used to be successful. You wonder why you never had been thankful back than. You wish that if you had to make one wish that you can go back into the past and do things over gain. Now, you are a Jew and nothing can change the fact that you are a Jew. You do not understand German fluently, but you understand or know when they are talking about you. The one word "Stink-jude" strikes you. Having to be a Jew seems to be such a crime in this world. You are now separated from the real world because you are a Jew. You are not a murderer or did any crime in this world, but because you are a Jew you live in a separate world. You wonder often is being a Jew such a crime??? But, I am a Jew and I can do nothing about it....I can only wait to survive in this life. I am a Jew and life is different. One simple word "Jew" makes a difference in who you are. From the quotes and passage above, I was able to make a prediction or think as if I was Levi.